It's over. It's done. The beard trend is no more. Nope, it's not a trend anymore—because everyman has one. And as it's now so ubiquitous, we can't still call it a trend, can we?
Just in case you’ve been living under a coconut tree on the island of Tristan da Cunha with no wifi connection and haven't heard the newsflash: beards are a thing. Like, a big thing. Like almost every man on Earth is sporting some serious face fuzz. And if you didn’t get the other, arguably more important memo: beards are sexy as fuck, and can take literally any man, of any level of attractiveness, and turn him into an absolute, make-your-lip-quiver-and-your-pants-drop ride. So guys, stop what you’re doing (except for reading this) grab a beer, or a glass of wine for you more notion-filled fellas, and take this as gospel. For you see, I have tried and tested everything in order to get myself a brand spanking new beard. And let me tell you it wasn’t easy! It’s not even that big but I do wear it with pride. And like my good friends and current roomies Dottie and Rachel say: “size isn't everything...but girth sure is!
If your dear old dad—or even your mom—is sporting a Ronnie, then you're in luck. Yes, your potentially menopausal, hairy-faced mama bear and your dashing, tache wearing daddy may just be your ticket to fur street. If you're planning on growing some fur for yourself then genetics do have a large part to play in how much beard you'll have to mess with.
Although, let's hope they ain't too hairy, as this may be a sign there is too much dihydrotestosterone knocking around that gene pool. (P.S. That's a fancy science term given to a derivative of testosterone, which can lead to male pattern baldness). If you're a teenager and haven't seen much growth yet, fear not, I couldn't grow a single strand until I was, eh...twenty-seven! Be patient and let those genes do their thang.
I, like a lot of men, never knew you needed to actually put anything in your beard, and yes, it looked like shit. I watched videos and read blogs and no, none of what I am writing here is exactly groundbreaking, but let it be another voice in the battle against the unfortunate frizzy face. Having said that, you know something is part of the cultural zeitgeist when it shows up in Penney's (Primark to you folks outside of Ireland). Yes, as you pick up some socks, a few candles, and a scarf that you don't need, you can now add beard oil to your basket. There is no excuse for not using beard oil now. Luckily I've tested plenty of products: wax, oils, shampoo, and the absolute best of the bunch that I found is Beardsmith Beard Oil, who actually have 25% off everything all this month.
Like a lot of you out there, I suffered badly from terrible skin when I was a teen. I tried everything to get rid, I even recall mixing up some mad concoction of lemon juice and vinegar, and applying it to my skin. Of course, it burnt the absolute hell out of my face, and so, I tried the opposite: just leave your face alone. And it worked. When I stopped applying chemicals to my skin, I healed. Other than my Beardsmith products, I use 100% organic, unrefined coconut oil, and a bi-weekly face scrub made with olive oil and sugar.
Time will tell; time is a healer; give it time; let's add another one to that list of adages: Time will give you a beard! Wait! Have a little patience and, take it from me, it will pay some hairy dividends. You're probably wondering: how long does it take to grow a beard, or how do I grow out my beard?
I went through a shockingly awkward facial hair phase, where it was patchy, wiry, just nasty. But I waited, and then, boom! I had an actual beard. Now, as I write this, it's a tad shorter than it was in the depths of winter, as I fancied a little change. But now I know, I can rest easy in the knowledge that, if I build it, the beard will come.
What Not To Do
— Don't use a hairdryer, too often. Just like the hair on your head, heat can damage your beard.
— Don't over wash your beard. It will strip the natural oils from your beard hair.
— Don't have beard envy. You know, comparison is the thief of joy, so don't go around comparing your face fuzz to anyone else's. Love thy beard!
Happy beard growing, brother bears!
And a big thanks to Beardsmith Beard Care for teaming up with me for this post! :-)